i dont know where you went off to
but im glad youre gone you left an unsightly stain upon my life and i prefer your abscence speck perhaps you dont remember the insufferable imcompatabilites that we shared? how you mewed and moaned about how life was unfair child. im glad you dont exsist anymore because you always dragged me down you made me look like a fool and made me feel less than a man tumor. your abscence is the kindest gift youve ever given me and i wish i had never known you however: without you i wouldnt know strength or taste the freedom of responsibility but the salty taste of your interruptions have graced me with the knowledge of experience and i prefer you dead. energy spent; fades
a tree fell in the forest everything changes there must be something more productive than
doing cartwheels in your mind with only you as the witness of your marvelous exploits; pushing yourself to achieve your definition of perfection its as though you were to have an audience applauding every hand plant, every deft spin of your feet over your head. more like daft. whatever. push yourself to be more detailed. more complicated. and, like the lens of the kalidescope, turn inward on yourself the great thing about those fancy eye-glasses is how simple they are in design yet complicated in action dont look at me. i gave up on cartwheels and kalidescopes a long time ago; i destroyed a couple of friendships while trying to demonstrate my awesomeness. but at the end of the day, spinning cartwheels is just like running around in a circle. whether the circle is perfect or not, you never get from point A to point B; you spend your time turning the hamster wheel and exhausting yourself. but, whatever. ill just continue to abuse semi-colons and throw grammar to the wind. its much easier to be the person you accept yourself to be instead of trying to attain a level of self-imposed perfection, hoping someone will notice and appreciate it. i'm over that shit and dont have time for it. i guess that is one of those things that tapers off as you get older and learn where your strengths lie. not from the whispers and comments of trite and self-indulgent fucks that smell their own farts, but in the understanding of the impact you make everyday. that is what my challenge is: being a good person. it isnt in my nature and isnt my forte. however i try. i sometimes lie, cheat...but i dont steal anymore. i suppose that is one less color in my kalidescope. one less complicated piece of my stupidly hard puzzle. maybe that blossoming simplicity will spread like a terra-forming project. slowly and consistently. but you: you are still a tundra being whipped by winds. your dirt will not hold the roots that contain the water of your awareness. but that is the greatest thing about making mistakes; you are presented with an opportunity to get better or to continue down the wrong path. it took me a long time to figure out that i was an asshole in all the worst ways. but regret and forgiveness are never a substitute for the loss of time; nor grammar a good substitute for wisdom. |
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